Blindfold (destinedfate) wrote,

it's been awhile

So, I suppose it has been awhile since I have sat down seriously, taken toll of where I am in life and shared with the people who take a little time to read. Soooooooo... here goes:

About 5 months ago now, I moved out to San Diego to pursue the career that I've kind of wanted all along. I never thought that leaving Louisiana would be tough. However, it has proven to drive me into a very deep rut as of late. I haven't met more than 2 people outside of work here and I really haven't had much motivation to get out and have a good time. Granted, the cost of living is higher and I am trying to save money for long-term goals, it seems to be more than a financial reason for the change in attitude. I mean, here I am in one of America's finest cities in terms of weather, location, status, blah blah blah and I spend 90% of my non-work time here in my little apartment. There is little joy in hanging out alone in bars, swimming in the ocean by oneself or just taking walks without bringing along something to listen to. Is this what a quarter-life crisis is all about??

So, I've also been thinking that there is a whole lot that should go into deciding where a person lives. Strangely, I don't think it has anything to do with what the weather is like or what the cost of living is like. Take the northeast for example. It is freezing cold and costs a fortune to get by. But the place is packed to the gills with people. I guess it reminds me of watching traffic travel down long stretches of interstate. Watch long enough and you see distinct patterns of migration. Sure, there are the occasional lone cars traveling but more often than not, there are little packs that go together. Funny, how traffic jams are such a hassle but we still decide to travel in packs. Even more funny is that the reasons for each are the same. It's the people. Rushing home from work to be with friends and loved ones is seemingly priority one. At the same time, we want company in the interim.

Maybe that is part of the root cause of where I am now. I have no life long friends here. I have no family here. I have nothing to rush home to at night except a dark apartment and the computer. (Sorry if this is depressing-sounding). This is probably exacerbated by the holiday season. It'll be my first real time away from home during Christmas which really saddens me. I am missing my nephew grow up and now we'll have another little one on the way. And all for what? For a better career? To see the world? It isn't long in life that you realize there is a very small percentage of us that will make a significant impact on society. So, all we have is each other.

Eh, that's enough depressing crap for one entry. (please no "cheer-up!" comments) I do wish all the best for all my friends and family during this Christmas and I'll be in NJ for New Years if some people are around that I rarely get to see. It would be nice to see those people.
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